How to Become Happier: A Step-by-Step Guide to Feeling Better
Jadu Beauty Podcast ·
From " New York Times Writer " to Psychologist at the Intersection of Mind and Body
Ever notice how some people handle a hard season with steady resilience, while others feel like their mood, sleep, and focus have turned against them overnight? Dr. Jess Kovler says the difference usually isn't strength of character. Sometimes it's hormones. Sometimes it's skills no one ever taught us. Often it's both. She's an award-winning psychologist and educator, considered one of New York's experts in cognitive, behavioral, and dialectic therapies, as well as psychodiagnostic assessment. As a board member of the Pituitary Network Association, she has a particular interest in hormonal health and psychological wellness, and she treats patients navigating perimenopausal and medically induced menopausal psychological challenges. Her work grew out of a lesson she learned at age 12, when a depression she didn't understand turned out to be a hormonal disorder. Once it was treated, she thrived.
"There is nothing wrong with people. You just don't have the right tools yet."— Dr. Jess Kovler
In this episode of the Jadu Beauty Podcast, we sit down with Dr. Jess Kovler, a New York–based psychologist, faculty member at the City University of New York, and member of the team at Well by Messer. Founded under the leadership of endocrinologist Dr. Caroline K. Messer, Well by Messer is a multispecialty practice that coordinates care across endocrinology, internal medicine, gynecology, psychology, nutrition, and more. The practice began as a leader in medical weight loss and has grown into a destination for preventive care, women's health, and metabolic optimization. Dr. Messer built it after realizing her previous practice couldn't offer a full mind-body approach, including the tools to address emotional eating. Dr. Kovler describes it simply: "We're a team." Throughout the conversation, she explains how hormones shape mood, how stress, sleep, and nutrition feed into one another, and why evidence-based therapies like CBT and DBT can bring real relief, often faster than people expect. Her story is about curiosity, education, and a belief that each of us already has what we need to change. We just have to learn how to use it.
What We Cover in This Episode
Where Hormones and Mental Health Meet
Hormones affect mental health significantly, Dr. Kovler explains. They can drive mood swings, depression, anxiety, and ruminating thoughts. That's why she checks hormonal functioning with every new patient, alongside their life circumstances. Her goal is to find what is actually causing someone's symptoms, not just to label them. For women in perimenopause and menopause, this matters enormously. What used to be dismissed as "the change of life" is now understood as a real hormonal shift. Women can move through it without the suffering past generations accepted as normal. For the hair side of this transition, see our guide to menopause and hair thinning.
Stress, Sleep, and Nutrition: The Foundations
Stress raises cortisol, and when the body can't process it all, the effects add up. Sleep and nutrition are just as central. In DBT, these skills tie them together: get enough sleep, eat well, care for physical illness, and exercise. "Wait a second — how's your sleep?" is a question Dr. Kovler asks nearly every patient. Poor sleep ripples into mood, cravings, and daily functioning. Dr. Kovler has also seen how health challenges change what people put on their bodies. During her time in psycho-oncology, many of her patients going through cancer treatment turned to organic, all-natural products with ingredients "you can pronounce on an ingredient list." If you're not sure where to start, our guide The Ingredient List Is a Promise shows how to read a label before anything touches your scalp.
CBT, DBT, and the Super Mario Approach to Fear
Cognitive behavioral therapy is considered the gold standard for panic disorder, OCD, anxiety, and depression. It's targeted, time-limited, and built on education. If you learned one way of thinking, you can learn another. For anxiety, Dr. Kovler uses exposure therapy and explains it with the original Super Mario game: run from the scary figure and it catches you, but turn and face it and it stops or recedes. She often wears a video game controller necklace to make the point. DBT adds skills in emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance. And if a patient hasn't clearly improved by around session six, she discusses adding medication to "take away what's on top" so the real work can begin.
Inside Forensic Psychology
Dr. Kovler also performs forensic and neuropsychological assessment and is a member of the adjunct forensic psychology faculty at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. In the episode, she explains how she evaluates someone's functioning at the time of an alleged crime, how assessments help detect exaggerated or feigned symptoms, and how her findings shape treatment and alternatives to incarceration. She also discusses the lasting cognitive and emotional effects of brain injuries and concussions.
"We're a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for."— Dr. Jess Kovler
Related to This Episode
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Join the Conversation
Which of Dr. Kovler's ideas stayed with you, whether it was "how's your sleep?", facing your fears head on, or clicking your heels? How have stress or hormonal changes affected your own well-being? Email us at Support@JaduBeauty.com. You could be featured as a future guest in our Manhattan office or join us virtually.
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